Felicity – A Philosophical Fable [Chapter 15]
Mimi felt sad. She didn’t like feeling sad. Not one bit. But the sadness was upon her and all she could do was to bear it the best she could.
She didn’t want to eat or drink. She didn’t want to hear her music or look at her multicolored fairy lights. She wanted her book back. But more than that, she wanted Ryder to not have taken it from her.
She wrapped her kimono tightly around herself and curled up on her bed. She looked at the wall where there was sometimes a shōji door. There was no door there now. Maybe there would never be a door there again. Why should there be? She rolled over, turning her back to the wall where the door sometimes was.
She laid like that a long time. Or what seemed like a long time. She had gone numb. Then a tap on the door roused her. It was Ryder. She sat up and looked at him.
“This is yours.” He held out her book to her. “I’m sorry.”
He was humble and his humility moved Mimi. She took her book and gave him a smile of simple gratitude, with no trace of resentment.
“May I?” he asked, indicating with a wave of his hand the place on the floor where he had sat on his previous visit. She nodded. He sat and hesitated. “I wondered what you thought of it.”
Mimi hesitated as well. She felt bashful. She looked at the book in her lap. Then she looked back up and answered him.
“Descartes seeks mathematical certainty.” Mimi paused. She never heard her own voice before. It was soft and deliberate. She continued. “He proves his existence through reason because he trusts only logic and geometry. He distrusts the senses because they are fallible, because they can be doubted. But he does not doubt that he thinks, that he is a thinking thing.”
“He cannot doubt that he thinks,” said Ryder. “The products of reason alone are certain.”
Mimi responded slowly. She was not yet accustomed to her voice. “He exists whether he thinks or not. He relies too much on reason.”
“Only through reason can anything be known.” Ryder spoke with conviction. “What the senses perceive could be false. His experience of the world could be a dream.”
“And what if it is a dream?” Mimi replied. “Reason is not enough. Where is wisdom?”
Ryder pondered Mimi’s words. “I’m glad you’re here Mimi. I’m glad you’re here with us.” Mimi was glad too.
Ryder fell silent. He looked at Mimi differently. And Mimi felt it. She didn’t know what it was, but she felt it. Ryder moved closer to her. He sat on the mattress beside her. Then he pressed his lips to hers.
She should have been astonished. She knew nothing of passion. She knew nothing of kisses. She had never even seen a kiss. But she was too pleased to register surprise. She wanted it to continue.
Ryder was clumsy at first. It was his first kiss too. But the two of them soon found their groove. They enfolded each other in their arms and their passion intensified.
Then Mimi started to understand what was happening. He wanted to mate with her. And she wanted it too, but somehow she knew she should not. Though desire urged her on, instinct compelled her to stop.
Mimi didn’t know what she was, but whatever she was, she wasn’t one of them. “We mustn’t,” she said in a barely audible voice.
Ryder understood immediately. It was as if he had some intuition of his own. “I know,” he whispered.
He stood up and gazed at her with affection. “I’m glad you’re here Mimi.” She smiled in reply. Then he slid open the door.